Take a long, hard look at yourself and ask whether you take your relationship for granted. Mischa P. Toland’s new book, 30 Things HE Told me But Can’t Tell YOU Because YOU Won’t Listen, extensively examines the common problems that disrupt the harmony in a relationship. The author, having engaged in a process of self-interrogation, correcting undesirable behaviors, and accepting feedback is finally able to confirm that she’s “getting it right.” As the title suggests, Toland’s rigorous research and interviewing – with married couples and divorcees – have translated into thirty common challenges that a married couple endures. The relationship between husband and wife is ever changing, and as such, Mischa P. Toland’s unshakeable resolve is to help couples “preserve, fortify, and enhance marriages across the length and breadth of this country in a powerful way.”
Refining a relationship is not as daunting and hopeless as society tends to portray.

However, several prerequisites to a successful relationship must be followed. Toland, time and again, reminds her audience that, “You only get out of a relationship what you put into a relationship.” As we relate to each other we find that love and respect are two-way roads.

The constantly evolving nature of a relationship can sometimes put romance on the backburner. A couple’s passionate encounters during their dating days probably do not retain the same quality after marriage and children. Nevertheless, that is not a legitimate reason to “renege on your commitment” and take your relationship for granted. The author recognizes and admits to a host of mistakes in her first marriage that qualify her to offer the “voice of experience” to readers who can enjoy success in their relationships.

The best approach in a relationship, in fact, is to quench the flames of anger and resentment before the fire ever starts. In other words, don’t leave pent up anger broiling within you and never assume that the problems will solve themselves.

One common strategy for enhancing the quality of your marital relationship is to share your fears with a trusted friend, sister, or mentor. Another perspective can help you to look at the dilemma from a unique vantage point. Women should never, ever be hesitant to talk to their husbands, especially when they have concerns or fears about their relationships.

The bottom line: “Never let reverence be replaced with routine.” Toland digs deep into her knowledge and makes a powerful statement: “Just because you share the same last name, finances, etc. doesn’t mean you’re expressing you’re need for each other.”

Marriage, as the book explains, demands unwavering belief and unconditional support on all levels.

When these strategies are followed, one will realize how quickly things can change, and notice the improvement in quality of the relationship.

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